Working on Christmas Day

There's beauty in the harshness of a cold winter at christmas

Christmas Day, cold and alone at work. That sounds much worse than it is. The emptiness of blank concrete and steel kept cold with a freezing wind chill shows the contrast of the merriment of the season. I wouldn't know one without the other.

The emptiness seems endless at times, but i'm not complaining. The one thing I do want is to be left alone. To just have my thoughts and be at peace. So being cold and alone at work on Christmas is really a good Christmas present. Can't reasonably hope for more than that.

The clouds on the political front are troubling I suppose. Like the clouds today could give us snow. Dark and gloomy. Feels like it could snow but the weatherman isnt sending any.

Old timers used to say my generation was the end of civilization, and now we say the same. Those same clouds that gave us snow years ago, don't give us anything today.

Are we at the end or is it just another empty cloudy day. Only time will tell. I can say it seems more real now, but I guess that's what my grandparents said 50 years ago.

It is easy to get caught up in the finger wagging, tongue lashing, emotional baggage of moaning and groaning about the state of the world. Its just an emotional game to get us upset and to ignore a greater travesty.

Of course no one wants to work on Christmas, but the lot fell to me and so it goes. I didn't care too much this year. Somehow I just never got into the Christmas spirit. I didn't go to any music or performances of any kind, and to maybe only one lights display. But the holiday spirit – the reason for the season – lives in my heart and mind.

Today more than others I see how the attitude affects reality, or how the emotional state confirms or denies the reality that exists. Its easy to write with passion when I feel the blues. Somehow its harder when life is good.

Remembering ghosts of Christmas past, the story never gets old. Missing the snow that used to cover the pine trees at home, but home isnt there anymore. The snow isn't either, so times have changed.

It is still cold though, never did even get up to freezing today, so it's probably still in the 20s.

A slight breeze made it worse at times, tried to keep my back to the north.

The end of the day comes as the sun sinks in the west. Another Christmas Day is gone. Gathering my things and heading home. Another day in paradise lost. The dark clouds are threatening. I smile. Thanks, but not today my old friend. Bring your darkness back another time.

Finding God in new ways

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Going to church is boring.
It's a provocative statement.  It's not because there's anything wrong with the church. I could try another one. I have done that before and not had much luck. Something might be a little bit better somewhere else, but that would not fix the problem.
For years the idea of going to church has been the hallmark of what being a Christian is about. We go for an hour - maybe two hours if you go to Sunday School too - and its the same thing every week. Maybe the names of the songs are different, and maybe there's a different series or topic now and then in the sermon, but essentially it never changes.
There was a time when I liked church and even looked forward to it. Now its more with a sense of dread that I wake up on Sunday morning. The church hasn't changed. I've no complaints. I think it is my that has changed.
The problem is not the church, and for a long time, I thought the problem was me. Now I am seeing that neither the church nor myself are to blame.
There is a great book, called Sacred Pathways, Gary Thomas, that gets at this problem.
It sounds kind of new age, but it isn't.  He talks about different pathways in the sense of how we relate to God. It is not about God but it is about how we relate, or how we get there.
Modern day Christianity presents a one-size-fits-all package, and the reality is we are all very different and one size does not fit all.  The modern-day package includes going to church, maybe Sunday School too, maybe being part of a small group and having fellowship with other believers.
Those things are ok, but I think I have changed some, to the point that these things no longer connect me to the higher power.
In his book, Gary Thomas talks about this very problem.
We all have different personalities. We all relate to things differently.
Thomas lists a few possibilities, and there may be more.
Some people are moved by music, some by study, some by acts of service. The key is to find the one that works for you or even the combination that works best for you.
A friend used to invite me to conferences. I'm sure the speakers were good, and the food probably was too, but I always declined. To me, there could be nothing more awful or boring than sitting around listening to speakers all day and then having to discuss those speakers.  I do this a couple hours a week and that's too much already, so a full day would be beyond what I could stand.
However, a walk in the woods, or even listening to some music, would do a lot of good for my spirit and my connection to God. Also thinking about some deep theological question would point me in a good direction.
Philippians  2:12 says, "continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling."
What this means is, we should continue to work out the details of our relationship with God. "Fear and trembling" is a phrase used in the bible to mean with seriousness.  The scripture's don't say to go church necessarily. But I think the implication of this verse is to find out what works for you. That may not be what works for other people. But this is not about changing God or the message of the gospel. Rather, it is about changing how we relate to God.
I found the book by Gary Thomas to be very helpful. He lists eight pathways, and he says you may find a combination of more than one would work best for you. There may be even other ways. There is a "test" in the book to find where you fit among the eight pathways, and that might be a good thing. But remember this is not gospel.
Thomas also recommends trying out new things, and to perhaps develop some new ways to appreciate God.

The eight pathways he lists are:

• Naturalist: Seeing God in nature, experiencing God in the natural world.
• Sensate: Using all of the senses - touch, taste, sight, smell etc.
• Traditionalists: These would be churchgoers who love the church. Rituals and such.
• Ascetics: Personal disciplines like fasting or other harsh treatment of the body
• Activists: Getting involved in your community, seeking justice for others
• Caregivers: Taking care of people or acts of service
• Enthusiasts: As the name implies, excitement and enthusiasm rule.
• Intellectuals: Studying, these are the theologians. Seeking new realities and truth.
• Contemplative: This can also be seen as celebrating, but it is meditation, focusing on who God is. A contemplative is more concerned with God than religion.

Each of these has its place, but the important thing is to find one that fits you and your spiritual temperament. But remember the pathway is yours, and not the one for anyone else. A pitfall in Christianity is that sometimes we find our path and expect others to take the same one.

For me its a heavy dose of naturalist and intellectual, with a touch of contemplative. 

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Reactions to the gospel, doubt versus faith at Christmas

As Christmas approaches, we celebrate the coming of Christ into the world. As Christians, we have also had Christ “born” in our hearts when we received a relationship with Him. Even today, we may have many “receptions” of Christ.
In Luke Chapter 1, we see how two people reacted differently to the arrival of Jesus.
The Angel Gabriel was sent to a priest named Zechariah, and to a peasant girl named Mary, and he announced the coming of Jesus to both of them.
Zechariah was a priest, and according to the text a righteous man. He was a faithful follower of God, and as a Priest had a certain rank. If anyone would be expected to have faith, it would be Zechariah.
He was chosen to burn incense before the altar of God, which was done yearly. This was a very high honor as the priest was standing in front of the altar in the presence of God. The priest would actually enter the Holy of Holies, which was done only at this time each year.
This was how it had been done since the time of Moses as the priest made atonement for the sins of the nation of Israel.
According to Jewish legend, when priests went to the altar for this duty, a rope was tied around their leg just in case they were struck dead by the Spirit. If any sin was found in them, this could likely happen.
The text tells us he was a righteous man and had been praying fervently for years, asking God to give him and his wife a son.
Now, in his old age, he sees an angel, Gabriel, who is bringing him the news that he will indeed have a son. That son is to be John the Baptist.
But even so, Zechariah doubts. He asks the angel how he can know for sure. In essence, he was asking for a sign that the angel’s words were true. The Jewish leaders all had this problem … a basic lack of faith in God. When Jesus ministered on the earth, the Jewish leadership constantly hounded Him for a sign.
Gabriel was no common angel. He is the one that stands before God, implying a special relationship. He had been sent to both of them with a specific message.
It is interesting to note that Zechariah was standing before God at the moment. By offering the incense, he was doing on an earthly level what Gabriel was doing on a heavenly level.
Even so, he asked for a sign as though he really did not believe.
Zechariah would still receive the promise even though he had not believed, but he would not be able to speak until the child was born.
Later in the chapter, we see a much different scenario as Gabriel appears to Mary, to tell her that she will bear the Christ child.
Mary was probably a basic peasant girl without much education. Many people probably would not have considered her a spiritual giant. And as you might expect, she was terrified at seeing an angel.
Here response is much different than Zechariah’s response though. After just a little questioning, she believes the angel.
“I am the Lord’s Servant. May it be as you have said,” she told him.
Her faith was simple but effective.
While Zechariah had all the education and connections, he failed in the crunch, to have simple faith.
If we compare the two people, we can see that perhaps religious position does not necessarily translate to being truly close to God.

As we celebrate Jesus coming into the world, let us ponder how we will receive Him on a daily basis in our lives.

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The Christmas story through the eyes of Easter

In the beginning was the word, and the word was God. That is a paraphrase of John 1:1, which the writer uses to introduce the Christmas story.  God became flesh and lived on the earth. This was a  radical thought in those days, and it is now.  The synoptic gospels - or the other three - tell a more traditional story of the birth of Christ. John jumps right to the spiritual meaning.

This is perhaps a unique thing in Christianity, that God would actually come to earth and live as a human being. That is radical enough, but he also came to die to pay the penalty for our sins.

The meaning of Jesus was this - "In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind."

In the very beginning, in the Adam and Eve story, sin entered the world. Human beings rebelled. Some call this original sin. We are not guilty of original sin, that is not what makes us guilty. It is because we do the same things they did. Original sin just means where it originated. 

But God loved his creation.

There's some deep mystery here, but in some way, God wanted to have a relationship with his creation. He set about pursuing us. The scripture says we love God because he first loved us. It also says, while we were dead in our sins, he made us alive together with Christs.

Constantly people have tried to find a way to get to god, to have a relationship that way. This is the basis of religion - seeking God.

There were lots of efforts to make us "good," or to make us acceptable to God.

The radical idea of God was to come to earth in human form.  Some say he came to show us how to live, but I've never really thought that was true. 

Instead, I think the reason God came to earth as a human was to be the ultimate sacrifice. The Reason Jesus was born was Easter.
Jesus had to be both God and Man, and doing this in some miraculous way, makes this happen. Jesus gets his human origin from Mary and his heavenly origin from God himself.

The story in the synoptic gospels explains how this came about. The virgin birth takes on new meaning when we think of God arriving in human form. Some people try to explain this away, and even point out that in the ancient prophecies, the word "virgin" can be translated "young woman." Granted, but if that were the case, why would there be a prophecy about a young woman having a baby. That happens a lot all around the world every day, so it doesn't make much sense as a prophecy if just a young woman is all that is in mind.

Rather the virgin birth matters more on the theological level than even the physical. In terms of the physical world, it was a miracle. 

Theologically it is how we get the idea that Jesus was both fully God and fully man at the same time. In order for the sacrifice to do what was intended, it was essential that Jesus be both God and man. For that to happen, he had to be born of a virgin.

The virgin birth becomes a key part of Christian theology.

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My spiritual jouney: Learning the religions

From college days an onward for a while, I sought new ideas. Learning new things was actually a lot of fun, and even interesting in most cases. I found there were a lot of interpretations and variations on religion in my area, even though this was southern Appalachia where it is pretty much all Christian.
I studied some theology in college and found it fascinating. There was also the general study of religion itself, which was also interesting. I Checked out a lot of groups over a few years, staying with most a few months.

Each group thought it was the best of course, and they wanted you to join up with them. That wasn't really enough though, in most cases they wanted you to also help them criticize the other groups.
I saw that a lot, but it wasn't always the case. And I had my own legalistic moments I'm sure.
There were some groups I liked.

The Presbyterians and their systematic theology appealed to me in a great way. Theology should make sense, they said, and that sounded great. I had always wanted for it to make sense and be at least for the most part reasonable and logical.  So we interpreted the Bible in that light, and we studied theology. It was good, but it was academic in many respects. That was partly because it was at university, but it was also partly because of the people involved. I was as guilty as any of them of just focusing on the mental aspects, and even denigrating the emotional aspects.

Maybe God was telling me something by then exposing me to the charismatics. They believed you could "name and claim" anything you wanted because you were a child of God. If you had enough faith you could move mountains. It didn't help much that the person telling me all this had a cold the next day and could not just make it go away.  But I did like their spirit and their music.  I liked the way they seemed sold out to what they believed in. There were some good things here, and they had the spirit. There was a lot I liked about them, but the glaring problem was that "name it and claim it" just didn't work. It also was not in the bible as far as I could tell.

Again a great divide was presenting itself.
Should I go with the systematic theology that appealed to my brain, or with the name it and claim it crowd that appealed to my emotions.  What I really wanted was a church that had both. A place that could engage the mind and heart as one. I found a few places that claimed to be that, but eventually, they would lean far to one side.
Of course, there were other groups. There were the fire and brimstone, hellfire preachers, but they didn't grab my imagination at all. There was the middle of the road groups like the Baptists or Methodists, or even the non-denominational groups, and they seemed ok. They just didn't inspire me the way the Presbyterians or charismatics did.

As time went on I started noticing a strange thing inside myself. Whenever I would meet a new group there were be a sort of "inner witness" or inner voice that either said yes or no. It seemed to tell me to listen to this person but not that person. Very often I would find out the voice was correct and that the one it warned me about was not real or true.
I didn't have words for this at the time, and could barely even consciously notice it, but at the same time, I knew it was there. I didn't know what to make of it and didn't understand it enough to even talk about it.

The ideology of Judas and his betrayal of Jesus

Judas betrayed Jesus because his ideology clouded how he saw the Messiah

Judas betrayed Jesus. Then filled with remorse, he went and hanged himself. He obviously was not expecting Jesus to be arrested, or for things to go the way they did. His name is the traitor.
But why would he do this?
He had walked with Jesus for three years. He had heard the teaching and seen the miracles. He was part of the inner circle.
He betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver, which was a good chunk of change, but it wasn't all that much. It wasn't for the money. And it is clear from the Biblical stories, the outcome was not what Judas expected.
It even seems that Jesus was egging him on in some ways.
The religious leaders wanted rid of Jesus, and they were looking for a way to make that happen. They were also well aware of the politics of the situation. It would be a public relations nightmare if they did anything to him. They needed someone to “lay the charge.” They needed an excuse, and they wanted the hated Romans to do the deed so they would appear innocent.
If it was one of his own disciples who betrayed him, that was even better, so they were happy to pay whatever price was needed. It seems Judas did what God wanted in some ways, it wasn't necessary for it to be him. That doesn't get him off the hook.
He still betrayed Jesus. But the question remains. Why? What could his motivation really have been?
It's always intrigued me, what happened after the betrayal.
Judas and many others of the day wanted Jesus to overthrow Rome. They wanted the Messiah to come, but they had formed the idea that the primary duty of the Messiah was to overthrow Rome and set up the kingdom of Israel again. Since that was what they wanted, and indeed that is part of the Old Testament prophecy, they had no room for any other kind of Messiah. Their anti-Rome ideology colored everything they saw, including how they saw the Messiah.
Judas may have thought his action would set the wheels in motion. Jesus would be arrested, he would call down angels out of heaven to rain fire on Rome, and would then lead the revolution. Judas' dreams for his country would be realized, and of course, he would no doubt hold a high position in Jesus kingdom. He may have even thought he was doing what Jesus wanted.
He heard the teachings of Jesus. Maybe he even heard Jesus tell them that he would be crucified and that he had come for that purpose. He might have even heard Jesus say blessed are the poor, turn the other cheek and so forth.
But Judas was blinded by ideology. He had an agenda and the Messiah was going to fulfill that agenda. He came to Jesus with preconceived notions as to who the Messiah would be, so it was hard for him to see the real message.
Thinking beyond the betrayal itself. How did Judas get to this point? How did his ideology affect his actions? How did his ideology cause him to miss the message? Is there a message here for us today? How does ideology affect how you perceive the world?

My spiritual journey: The spirit against the flesh

Why must we compartmentalize things? Why do I compartmentalize things?
This is spiritual, that is not. This is physical, this is mental, this is spiritual. I was as guilty as anyone of doing it, but even as I did, I wondered if there was not a better way.
Changing channels on the TV. My inner world seemed that way most of the time.
It was easier I guess and that may be why we do it. Inner turmoil can rage at times. The desires of the spirit go against the desires of the flesh, and then there are desires of other people who want various things.  I didn't even know what I wanted.
Then there was the idea of good and evil. Like the Greeks,  I felt the spirit and the flesh were like oil and water. They could not mix. Everything in the flesh was evil, everything of the spirit was good. That is a simplistic approach, and it solves things in some ways but creates a dissonance that is hard to overcome.
There were mountain tops and valleys in those days. Hot and bleak deserts, but also glorious mountain peaks that were beyond description.  You don't really understand the mountain tops without understanding the desert.
Inevitably there was performance-based acceptance.
And detours into sensuality, which of course I thought was wrong because flesh was wrong.
Faith endured though. So many questions without answers, it was just easier to put things in their compartment and never let them mix.

My spiritual journey: Rebel without a clue

It all sounds negative in some ways. There were questions that had no answers. There was being misunderstood. There was angst in the things I did not know.  At least to some degree though, I did know what I didn't know, and I knew that was a good thing.

I was still attracted to religion, like a moth drawn to a flame perhaps. There was this God-awareness that was always there just beneath the surface. I tried to sort out all the different groups and all the different beliefs. Why would God be divided, I wondered, as did St. Paul. I gravitated to non-denominational churches, not realizing this in itself was a division.

Separating all the different theologies was the salve that soothed me in many ways. It is said a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and in some ways it was.  I could proof-text as well as anyone, and became adept and finding a phrase that fit in with what I wanted to believe.

Debating various theologies, I learned how to defend my own and discredit anyone else.  Some victories and some losses, but it always left me wanting. Wanting what I'm not sure. There was still something missing. How can you know? was my question. How can you know God?  Even though I did have that God-Awareness, there was still something I could not define.

This caused some people to stop believing in God, or to at least stop believing in religion.

I never could imagine not believing in God. How could you not believe in something that is obvious? To me, that was like doubting the existence of the Sun, or the earth itself.  This was no cause for boosting my ego and it did not make me feel better.  It actually made me feel worse.

This was my scenario.
I know for certain God exists.
Religion must know God, at least  I think it should.
Religion cannot answer my questions.
God won't answer them either.

Frustration and anger boiled. Which is worse? Knowing there are answers and not being able to find any answers or just not believing there are any answers in the first place?