My spiritual journey: Hope at last

I had tried reading the bible some, and even knew a few verses. It was hard to understand. Someone gave me a Living Bible late in my high school years, and that did change things. This was controversial at the time. The King James Version was seen as the gold standard, and some even thought the Living Bible was from the devil. I was a little surprised when I asked my pastor about it, and he said if you were reading the bible - even the Living Bible - that was a good thing.

And I did read it. I could understand it, and it was really enjoyable. I devoured it. I read the whole thing over a few weeks, and then started again. The barren landscape of my internal world began to not be so bleak. I just enjoyed the stories. I was beginning to get an idea about God and what God was all about.

It never occurred to me that these were actual stories of actual events. My first reaction to actually reading the bible was one of wonder and mystery. This mystery was different though. Before God seemed distant, unknowable. Now, it began to be knowable, but the mysteries remained. There was at least the possibility of understanding a little bit and that gave me hope.

Later on when I heard that you should take every story and every word literally, I just shrugged and didn't know if that made sense or not. I didn't care really. Just as I was well aware of my own internal world, which did not always line up with the external world, I felt this was a glimpse into the inner world of God himself. The stories were the point, not whether it was a literal account of history.

There was also something mystical about reading the words. They were different than other words. This was no ordinary book. My barren internal landscape began to bloom with color and shape. The rainbow river began to flow again.

The only problem was that it seemed like what they taught in church didn't line up with what I was reading in the Bible.  Church seemed focused on rules, things you did and so forth. Jesus said to love your neighbor and that was the fulfillment of the law. To me it was a contradiction anyway.